My Obgyn.. The Big Bully

This may not be a happy story. But still, it is part of my journey of becoming mother to two sons..and my journey towards having a happy and empowering birth in the future; be it vaginal delivery or c-section.

I simply hate the fact that my doctor BULLIED me into TWO c-sections! Hate it soo much that I could not sleep well sometimes.

Maybe my pelvis is really small (not so relevent because baby’s head can mould to fit through) or really disfigured (well, i did have a good fall on my butt when i was 7 years old..but i don’t think my pelvic was disfigured), or maybe i do really need a c-section for other reasons, but there is a HUGE difference in having a caring doctor and a very insensitive one.

And my doctor belongs to the second category.

My first son was delivered via c-section even before i start feeling labour pain. One Monday morning of my 39th week, I had a bloody show. Since I was due for a CTG that morning, we straightaway went to the hospital. Doctor came for vaginal examination (VE), 3cm. “Your baby is in OP. Im afraid if we waited too long, the baby might be distressed.”, she said. “OK we wait for another hour, if there’s no progress, we proceed with c-section. “, she said. 45 minutes later, she came in to check again, no progress. “OK, csar!”, she said. It was not even a full hour, and I was fine, and my baby was fine. Maternal instincts is even more powerful than the not-so-accurate-most-of-the-time CTG machine, you know. I knew in my heart that i did not need the surgery, but i could not say that to my doctor because, well, shouldn’t doctors know better? The thing is, I don’t understand a single word what the doctor is saying!

Two and a half years later, my second baby was born, also via c-section. I actually had a bloody show and leaking amniotic fluid for over a week, and been in labour for a good three days and nights. On the third night, the contractions were so terribly painful that i could not sleep at all. I purposely laboured at home, because I know my doctor has marked me for another surgery. The midwife on duty connected the electronic fetal monitoring (EFM) machine to me and did VE and found that I was already 8cm dilated. She went to inform my doctor. So my doctor came, did VE and told me that my baby was in OP, and that i had CPD, just like my previous birth. My doctor explained roughly that OP is caused by cephalopelvic disorder (CPD), so my baby may not be able to turn and descend further, so i need a c-section. I still have no idea what the doctor is talking about, and how did it relate to my previous pregnancy. I only knew in my heart again that this doctor is purposely trying to get me through another emergency c-section again. So, when the stupid EFM machine sabotaged me by beeping loudly when my baby was actually fine, I knew that there is no way to avoid the surgery. My doctor even had the nerve to threaten me . She said, “Im afraid it would be dangerous, the shoulders might get stuck.” At that point, I knew that the doctor didnt care about me AT ALL!. She only want to be done with this case (like every other cases..well, i’m just another case to her) and get on to attending her many patients waiting at her door. I knew in my heart that she was bluffing me, but i couldn’t fight for my own rights, simply because ‘THE SHOULDERS MIGHT GET STUCK”! Who on earth wouldnt be scared of that?!

After my post partum period, i did a real research on my problems. I researched on OP, CPD, natural birth, hypnobirth and everything related. I am serious in making my dream come true for my coming deliveries. I want to birth as naturally as I can and feel the empowerment and triumph of having birthed the way I should, and I want to have many kids!

I swear I will not go back to that incompassionate robot doctor, nor to the hospital who had given me a very bad service. Yeah, the same hospital where my son was admitted and sent to OT simply for swallowing a tiny weeny fish bone.

Simply ask yourself this; do you really feel happy with your doctor? Does he/she really listen to your concerns and problems? Is she empathic, compassionate about her patients? Patients are real people, you know. Not just a doll, not just another task. Moreover, ask around. If ┬áher c-section rate is high, then there’s a chance that she is just like my doctor.

If you are unhappy with your doctor (caregiver), please find another one. It’s your right.