Homeschooling & I: Aiman and Grolier

It has been a while since the last time I wrote about my homeschooling journey. This time, I will tell you how I teach my son with the aide of an encyclopedia. Remember I told you that I bought Aiman a set of Grolier encyclopedia in this post? Well, to begin with, you do not really need to have an encyclopedia. You can simply explain to your child in accordance to his level of understanding, and of course you should at least show a picture or video to make him understand better what you are saying. I always like to use many kinds of teaching aide when I teach my son. Just remember, repetition is always the best way to teach your child anything.

It so happened, last Wednesday, the Papa had to go outstation in Johor Bharu. Which meant I will be left alone with the kids at home until either one of my two siblings who are staying with me came back. It’s going to be a very long night when Papa is not around.

Somehow, Aiman was suddenly in his learning mood. So he took a few books from his shelf and sat next to me. First, he asked me to read him the story of ‘The Gingerbread Man’. Then, we read on Butterfly Metamorphosis. Interesting! Just explain to him in the simplest language so that he could comprehend, with the aide of the picture in the book.

Aiman & Irfan learning about the metamorphosis of a butterfly

Aiman & Irfan learning about the metamorphosis of a butterfly

I was also trying to explain about the volcanoes, but he was not very interested. So I  just let him ponder further upon what he had learnt; the butterfly metamorphosis. If your child seemed to be not very interested in a topic you are trying to teach, don’t be worried or upset. Let him learn at his own pace. PATIENCE is virtue! :) Some kids learn very quickly, some are a bit slower, some are keen learners, and some just don’t seem to want to learn yet. The keyword is; CAPTURE their interest. Teach them in a way that can capture their attention. Be creative!

I always make sure Irfan joins us everytime I am teaching Aiman something. I purposely want to expose him to knowledge starting from a very young age. I want to set up a habit among my children to love reading and seeking knowledge.

Thirsty for knowledge

Thirsty for knowledge

See the drawing below? Guess what it is…

What do you think of this?

What do you think of this?

It can be a lot of things. This was Aiman’s drawing. I have no idea what he was trying to draw, not that he could explain either. But it sure did look like a lizard to me. A weird-looking lizard.

The Real Face of Empathy

Last night, I went to see my grandma who had just underwent a major surgery to remove stones from her gall bladder. She is 70 years old. The surgery was very risky considering that she has diseases of all sorts; heart problem, high blood pressure, diabetis, gastric, just to mention a few, ..and now gall bladder stone. The surgery was performed in KPJ Damansara Specialist by a very senior specialist because of the many health complications my grandma is having, making the surgery a very difficult one. Therefore, praise be to Allah that she is now in good condition and is recovering well, and hopefully fast.

The thing about seeing my grandma especially in these few years is, always having to listen to her complaining on and on about her pain and sufferings. A bit boring you know, the outcomes of every visit can always be anticipated. When I was younger, I was never able to understand why she was always complaining, sounding very negative and low-spirited everytime. I always thought that we should always be positive and be strong in facing whatever trials that Allah give us; be it health problems or financial problems whatsoever. Until I had my own share of pain, my first major surgery; a c-section delivery.

I learnt a very important lesson; YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND ONE’S PAIN AND SUFFERING UNTIL YOU HAVE BEEN IN HIS/HER SHOES.

Recovering from the c-section was the most traumatic experience in my life. I lost all the strength that I thought I possessed. I was not able to do a lot of things as easily as a healthy person for a long course of time. I realized that I had a lot of comfort in my life that I had taken for granted. And how little gratitude I have shown for every good things in my life. I was left with not only a physical cesarean scar, but also emotional scar.

That was the turning point for me. Besides learning to listen better to my grandma and give the right responses, I was also able to listen and respond better to my late mother-in-law who suffered from Parkinson. Remember my story about her? You can read about it here.

The real message here is, when somebody comes to you with a problem, more often than not, she is not trying to ask for sympathy. She is not trying to ask you to be sorry for her. Rather, she is trying to heal her emotional wounds, and ease her pain by talking about it. In short, she is trying to heal herself, and feel better. By paying attention to her true troubles and acknowledge it by responding kindly, you can actually help her heal. This is what you should do, rather than brushing her off by saying that she should be thankful that she is still in better condition compared to a lot other less fortunate people, which in turn hurts her more.

The easiest example, when my grandma starts telling me of her pain, how should I respond?

Should I tell her to stop thinking of her pain and troubles, and focus on the positive thoughts that she is still alive and can still walk around although slowly, as compared to some folks her age that are bedridden, or had to stay in hospitals, or dead even?

Or should I tell her that I am sorry for her pain, and then forget all about it?

Or should I acknowledge her pain by telling her that what she is going through IS painful, because she is no longer able to do all the things she liked doing, she can no longer be active like before, and she has to depend on others, and then try to soothe her by saying that Allah wants to reward her big for all her patience, and then pray that she gets better?

Option one is simply rude. You don’t tell that kind of thing to other people. No matter how motivating it sounds to you. You have never been in her shoes, remember? So please be mindful.

Option two is simply lending a sympathetic ear. Nice enough but not helping.

Option three is what we call EMPATHY, where we LISTEN, ACKNOWLEDGE, and offer SUPPORT. ( I said LISTEN instead of HEAR because hearing simply means perceiving sound while listening means perceiving sound and paying attention to it. )

Bottomline, when we are faced with a sick or less fortunate person, we should always be empathic, especially if we have never been in her shoes. Even if we think we understand, we actually don’t. How can you understand something that you have not been through? If you are not sure how to show empathy, just be more observant of people around you and you might find someone who can set a good example of empathy for you to learn from.

Anak Positif

Beberapa hari yang lalu, aku terbaca lanjutan status PDRM dalam Facebook berkenaan kes kanak-kanak 3 tahun yang meninggal dunia disyaki didera ibunya tu. Kes ni aku pernah cerita dalam posting aku yang lepas. Lepas dibedah siasat, kanak-kanak ni didapati telah hilang berat secara mendadak dari 11kg ke 8 kg. Kanak-kanak seusianya sepatutnya berat 15kg. Haih aku rasa bagai diruntun jiwa ni mendengar kisah macam tu. Semoga ibubapanya diberi balasan yang setimpal. No child deserve to be treated that way. :(

Aiman masa kecil pun selalu menangis. Elok-elok bergelak ketawa dengan Papa atau Mama, tiba-tiba nak menangis. Tak tahu kenapa. Selalunya anak kecil ni menangis kalau dia rasa insecure, ada sesuatu yang dia risaukan, atau takutkan. Tapi akhir-akhir ni, terutamanya sejak masuk tahun 2013 ni, aku nampak perubahan mendadak pada diri dia. Dia dah kurang menangis, dan kalau nak menangis pun, dia tak jadi menangis. Bila bangun dari tidur pun dah kurang menangis. Kalau nak apa-apa je kadang-kadang dia terbawa-bawa perangai lama dan menangis tapi bila aku tunjuk muka kurang senang, dia tak jadi menangis. Apa pun, kebanyakan masanya memang dah tak menangis.

Dia juga nampak semakin bijak, semakin peka dan cepat menangkap apa saja yang berada disekitarnya. Mungkin juga sebab peningkatan usia, tetapi aku rasa, ia ada juga kena mengena dengan cara kami melayannya.

Sejak akhir-akhir ni, aku dan Papanya cuba untuk tidak lagi naik angin bila dia menangis, tetapi cuba untuk mengajarnya meluahkan dengan betul apa yang dia rasakan, mahukan, atau perlukan. “Jangan menangis, tapi cakap elok-elok apa yang Aiman nak”. Itulah ayat yang selalu aku ulang pada Aiman. Ia tidak dapat dilakukan dalam masa sehari, tapi Alhamdulillah, hasilnya semakin kelihatan. Lebih ketara lagi, Aiman nampak semakin ceria, kerana dia sudah mula belajar untuk meluahkan fikirannya dan perasaannya, justeru dia tidak lagi memendam rasa. Memendam rasa adalah kurang sihat, kerana ia boleh menjadi racun di kemudian hari.

Jangan ‘underestimate‘ kanak-kanak tau. Walaupun dia masih kecil, tapi dia sudah mampu berfikir, dan peka dengan apa yang berlaku disekelilingnya. Kalau kita ajar dia jadi positif, In Sya Allah dia akan membesar sebagai seorang yang positif. And vice versa. Mengajar anak untuk meluahkan dengan cara yang betul apa yang dia fikir dan rasa adalah suatu cara membentuk minda dan emosi anak. Bila dah ajar anak untuk jadi ekspresif, kita sebagai ibubapa pun kena la berfikiran terbuka untuk cuba memahami dan menerima apa yang dia cakap, dan kemudiannya memberi respon yang sesuai.

Bercakap pasal memberi respon, aku selalu ada masalah nak bagi respon pada Aiman. Dia rajin bercerita pada aku. Dalam sehari, berpuluh kali dia panggil Mama. Kemudian dia akan bercerita panjang lebar apa yang dia sedang fikir. Tapi kadang-kadang, aku tak berapa faham apa yang dia nak sampaikan. Jadi nak tak nak, aku cuma mampu tersenyum pada dia, dan mengangguk-angguk. Well, he seemed satisfied with that. Untuk pengetahuan korang, aku sedang giat melatih Aiman to string a sentence correctly, dan membetulkan syllables yang selalunya terbalik dari yang sepatutnya, terutamanya dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Contohnya, perkataan coklat tu selalu dia sebut chlocate (cloket) instead of chocolate. Seronok, dan kelakar kadang-kadang dengan keletah dia. Yang paling penting, bila dia rasa gembira dan ceria, mengajar dia menjadi sangat mudah!

Jangan lupa juga, kalau bercakap dengan anak-anak tu, lemah lembut la sikit. Kalau orang cakap kasar dengan kita, kita suka tak? Mesti tak suka kan? Apatah lagi kalau yang kasar tu adalah ibubapa kita. Oleh itu, kita kena la ajar anak kita untuk bercakap dengan lemah lembut, bersopan dan menggunakan intonasi dan tutur kata yang sedap didengar. Logik la kan.

So, by the end of the day, kalau kita layan anak kita dengan lemah lembut, penuh kasih sayang, selayaknya sebagai seorang kanak-kanak yang patut dibelai dan disayangi, In Sya Allah kita akan dapat lihat anak kita tu membesar dengan lebih cerdas dan lebih pintar. Jangan kedekut kasih sayang dengan anak ok!

 

Senyap Selamanya

Semalam dok belek-belek suratkhabar, muka depan akhbar tu cerita pasal sorang budak lelaki berumur 3 tahun yang dipercayai dipukul ibunya sampai mati. Haish! Kalau baca cerita macam ni mesti aku rasa semacam. Terbayang kalau anak sendiri yang kena macam tu, konfem tak keruan aku dibuatnya. Baya Aiman je budak tu. Aiman pun 3 tahun jugak tahun ni.

Budak tu anak sulung dari 3 beradik. Bapak dia tentera. Selalu takde kat rumah kalau  tak silap. Alkisahnya, budak tu dikatakan suka menangis dan sangat aktif. Haish! Standard la budak lelaki. Aiman pun macam tu jugak.

Tapi itu tak bermakna dia patut dipukul begitu sekali. Apatah lagi sampai membawa maut!

Pagi dia meninggal tu, mak dia kejut si anak ni bangun. Sebab dah pukul 11 pagi pun tak bangun-bangun lagi. Tapi taknak bangun jugak. Rupanya dah meninggal. Bila hospital bedah siasat, badan budak tu penuh dengan lebam baru dan lama kesan kena pukul dengan penyangkut baju. Terdapat jugak kecederaan otak. Hmm memang sah la ni kena hempas. Budak kecik kalau kena hempas, pendarahan dalam otak, memang meninggal la jawabnya. Mak dia dok pukul dia nak suruh senyap kan, ha sekarang ni dah senyap selamanya. Puas hati tak? Waaa sedih sangat-sangat aku baca cerita ni (kalau tengah pregnant kat Irfan ni mesti dah nangis sampai merah hidung)!

Kenapa dia sanggup buat macam tu ye?

Mungkin la si ibu tu tertekan tahap gaban, atau mungkin lebih besar dari gaban. Ada banyak masalah. Beranak pulak tiap-tiap tahun. Tapi takde rasa kesian ke tengok anak kena pukul sampai lebam? Memang aku tak akan dapat faham. Perasaan belas kasihan tu patut sinonim dengan gelaran ibu pada setiap wanita. Haih~

Aku rasa, kalau tertekan dengar anak menangis, lebih baik ketuk kepala sendiri ke dinding atau ke lantai. Takpun jerit sekuat hati. Well, I did that masa awal-awal bergelar ibu. Ye la masa tu kan takde pengalaman lagi. Memang takde faedah pun, tapi sekurang-kurangnya anak aku tak sakit.

Sampai la bila Aiman dah besar sikit baru la aku dapat idea untuk cuba reverse psychology, why not instead of marah kat Aiman dan rasa tertekan setiap kali dia start crying tantrum dia tu, aku cuba buat dia happy supaya dia tak menangis? Aku pun cuba, dan terbukti bila Aiman happy, dia tak buat perangai, tak menangis, dan sangat mudah diurus. Bahkan kalau dia nak apa-apa dan aku cakap tak boleh pun dia patuh. Padahal selalunya dia menangis kalau tak bagi apa yang dia nak. Bila budak gembira dan tenang, konfem tanpa was-was yang mak dia pun akan gembira dan tenang. Maka aman damai la rumah tu.

Benda ni tak susah pun. Cuma kena berkorban sikit, dan guna otak banyak sikit, dan kena banyak-banyak sabar. Kena control minda supaya tidak memberi reaksi marah secara automatik bila anak menangis, tapi cuba pujuk dan buat dia gembira.

Nafsu marah mesti dikawal dan dididik, bukan diikut.

Aku harap ada pihak yang cukup prihatin untuk memberi bantuan kaunseling dan didikan rohani kepada si ibu ni. Something that her husband should have given.

Tak kira la apa jua punca sampai berlaku macam ni, orang macam si ibu ni patut diberi support.

Wallahu A’lam~

MAKE YOUR BABY HAPPY, THEN YOU WILL BE HAPPY TOO

 

Jangan Melatah Depan Anak Ye~

Hujan pulak di hari ahad yang berbahagia ni. Dapat ke Papa dan Atuk Aiman meracun kat kebun kelapa sawit Atuk? Kitorang sekarang kat Batu Pahat. First roadtrip dengan kereta baru.

Papa paling popular di RnR Ayer Keroh.. Irfan tak puas hati Abang Aiman sibuk kacau daun..

Papa paling popular di RnR Ayer Keroh.. Irfan tak puas hati Abang Aiman sibuk kacau daun..

Next weekend second roadtrip menghala ke Kota Bharu pulak sempena parents aku nak berpindah rumah.

Nak cerita ni, sejak aku bersalinkan Aiman, tak tahu la kenapa jadi lekat tabiat melatah pulak. Tapi takde la kronik. Just “Oh, mak kau!” je. Hehehe. Tapi ia tetap melatah kan. Susah-susah aku ajar diri aku ni untuk tidak melatah sejak kecil dulu, bila jadi mak orang tiba-tiba pulak terlekat tabiat tu.

So ceritanya, pagi tadi waktu aku dok basuh pinggan kat sinki, aku terlepas botol susu irfan yang penuh dengan air. (Nasib baik terlepas dalam sinki kalau tak, tak pasal-pasal nak kena mengelap pulak). Secara automatiknya aku pun terlatah. “Oh, mak kau!” Tidak langsung kusedari bahawa Adam Aiman bin Yasser Helmy ada kat belakang aku masa tu. Tiba-tiba aku dengar ada suara budak kecil mengajuk, “Oh, mak kau!”

Aku pun pusing. Ah sudah! Bila la pulak dia ada kat belakang aku ni. Siap mengajuk pulak dah.

Oh, mak kau!

Oh, mak kau!

Mulai saat itu, aku bertekad untuk tidak melatah lagi.

Irfan yang steady as always~

Irfan yang steady as always~

Sekian, hehehe..

Cara Mendidik Anak

Dipetik dari status seorang kawan

Pesan Saidina Ali:

CARA MENDIDIK ANAK

Didiklah anak kamu dgn cara yg berbeza setiap 7 tahun

7 tahun pertama, beri dan ajarkan mereka tentang kasih sayang. Manjakan mereka dengan kelembutan & rasa cinta.

7 tahun kedua, berlaku tegas dgn mereka. Didik mereka & perbetulkan kesalahan yang mereka lakukan.

7 tahun ketiga dan seterusnya, berkawanlah dgn mereka. Di saat ini mereka memerlukan teman untuk berbicara dan mengemukakan pendapat. Mereka sudah boleh berfikir, bersahabatlah dgn mereka sebelum mereka mempunyai sahabat yg boleh merosakkan akhlak.